Efffffff

With all my crappy eating comes consequences I know. I didn't think it would ever cause this. What is this you say? Fatty Liver Disease. It basically means that fat deposits in your liver and can damage it. Meaning later in life it can cause nonalcohlic syrosis of the liver.

Today I go to the nutritionist, who will help me get on a healthier lifestyle. I am going to learn how to eat better, I want to be around to see my kids graduate, get married, and have babies. Not only will it help my physical health but it will help my mental health also. Losing weight means loving myself. Loving myself will allow other people to love me too. I know I have family, kids, and a husband who loves me lots. But not loving myself makes it hard to believe some days.

I will update again later today or tomorrow about the nutritionist appointment

I'm lost

So, I was watching TBL (the biggest loser) yesterday online. There's a point where the 20 year old kid, can't remember his name for the life of me, says he doesn't know who he is. I really feel the same way.

I.HAVE.NO.IDEA.WHO.I.AM!!!!

I know that I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother, but not all those things define me. I have no clue what else defines me. All I know is that I am fat and depressed with liver issues. I have no energy. I have a hard time getting my butt off the couch most days. I really don't like who I've turned out to be and I don't know how to change it.

I am working on myself, I really am. I am going to a nutritionist on Monday, the 24th. I hope I take away a lot of information from her, I know her name is Annie. I NEED to learn how to eat better and implement the better eating habits. I also need to make myself wake up early in the morning and go to the gym. I don't have time to go any other time, except before J goes work. Which is usually about 730am.

There we have, my admission that I don't know who I am, and I have no clue how to find myself.

A week away

That's how long the aforementioned nutritionist appointment is away. I am scared, but totally excited to go to this appointment. It will be a MAJOR lifestyle change. Not just for me, but for all of us.

I have already had to kick lactose out of my diet. I do not that alfredo and eggs seem to be my biggest issue so far. Even though im not suppose to eat them. How will i learn what i can and can't handle food wise.

Well, i guess that's all i have for now. Talk to y'all soon. Ya hear!

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Update on me

Since April my liver has been inflamed. So I was referred to a Gastroentologist for a consult. The GI thinks I have Fatty Liver Disease, which basically means that fat is depositing on my liver, and if it isn't corrected it could caused syrosis of the liver, later in life.

It's kind of scary, but also a big wake up call. I know I need to lose weight. Except it's not a want anymore, it's an I have to now. I have a gym membership I have yet to use.

I am going to see a nutritionist on the 24th. That should be interesting. This should help me imensely. Well, not only me. I can use what I have learned to help my whole family get healthier, not just myself.

I am on a lactose free diet for 2 weeks also. I am not enjoying this because I love dairy. Milk, eggs, cheese, cream cheese, sour cream. Name it all I LOVE IT!

I will keep y'all updated.

The devil has a name, it's M.E.T.F.O.R.M.I.N

Oh Metformin, how I loathe the, well I will learn to loathe the anyway. I am not happy about having to take this drug. It has some side effects I really don't want to deal with, not one bit.

I am not ready to take a medicine that will make me poop like there's no tomorrow. No siree. It might help me lose weight, but we shall see I guess. Only time will tell. I need to start eating healthier, and get away from sugars like the starchy stuff I love like pasta and bread and potatoes. Oi! This is going to be a hard adjustment, a really hard adjustment. Especially to quit the pop, that will be my hardest thing I think.

Only time will tell. I have to go back to the dr on jan 28th. So we'll see. :)

I don't know how...

How to stop over-eating, stuffing my face with delicious food. I don't know how to not take that second helping, piling my plate as high as the first helping. I have this never ending hunger, like I'm not full until all the food dishes are completely empty.

Help me, I need to help myself. I.don't.know.how.to.stop.

I should probably take myself to the dr and see if they can help me. It's making that ever lasting appointment. Calling and actually doing it is what freaks me out.

I also found out that, my one and only decent family memeber on my dads side, passed away in september and no one fucking told me. NO ONE!!! I am so hurt my this. I found out on Dec 21st. Just 4 short days before christmas. Yea, right, you didn't have my number.. I know aunt kept it in her little address/phone number book.
I mean I know there's not a lot I can do about it now. What's done is done, but it still stings you know.

Then, yesterday, my dear friend got diagnosed with cervical and ovarian cancer. Sigh. She's only 31. I hope it hasn't spread but I don't know.

Well there's my most random disorganized post of all...

It's not nice..

To be getting a cold the week of christmas. This is lame. I woke up this morning with a tight feeling in my chest, known as, the beginning of Mr. Chest cold. I hate this. It really blows, but what can I do except take some pills and hope that I don't get everyone else sick in the house.

Zicam here I come. I better just pick up some dayquil and nyquil while I am at it.
Have I already mentioned that I hate this? Because I really hate this.

OK enough whining.